Why Change Is Hard (And What to Expect)
What percentage of your New Year’s Resolutions do you think you’ve managed to maintain? This question is meant to create curiosity not judgement. I think over the last 20 years my percentage is probably around 10% max.
Why do we feel so good about creating habits that we know will improve our quality of life but then neglect to follow through on them over time?
This is a universal human challenge. There’s nothing wrong with you if you’ve not stuck to something that you know would be good for you.
Here’s why.
Humans experience a unique predicament within the animal kingdom. We’re able to think about our actions, work out how helpful they were and then go about changing them. We can ask ourselves:
‘Why did I do that?’
‘How could I have done that differently?’
‘What kind of future do I want to have?’
It means you can modify your behaviour in one day. You can choose to eat a Braeburn instead of a Twix even though you’re currently experiencing a deep craving for chocolate and caramel. You can reason that, because you’ve made a commitment to improve your focus and energy, an apple is a smarter choice. Does your dog or cat reason like this? Whilst animals like dolphins and chimps display signs of this type of intelligence, humans have taken it to a whole new level.
It’s almost as if you have two types of consciousness - one that is concerned only with the present moment, and another that has your best future interests at heart. Unfortunately, there is often conflict between these two modes of thinking. It’s exactly this conflict that makes change challenging.
Your body has evolved to survive. The path of evolution favours animals that are able to adapt to their environment and stay alive. Millions of years of trial and error has hardwired survival behaviours into species. It’s why crows fly away when you get too close, labradors wolf down food as soon as it’s put in front of them and sardines swim together in shoals. Behaviours in most animals take generations upon generations to change, even by the minutest degree.
You are different.
You can learn to drive a car, acquire a new language, play competitive table-tennis, teach yourself to code, read a book on macroeconomics, keep bees, design your own clothes, try and figure out what a black hole is. The list of new skills you can acquire is endless. And you can do all this within a lifetime.
No other animal has this capability.
There is a specific part of your brain that is responsible for this unique feat - your frontal cortex. It is the most recent addition to your brain. Your frontal cortex, amongst other complex thinking, allows you to project yourself into the future. You are able to imagine the consequences of a specific choice or string of choices.
For example, you can forecast what you think your life would be like if you pursued a career in the military compared to journalism. You can begin to predict the consequences of quitting smoking, adopting an orphaned kitten or putting money in Bitcoin instead of an ISA. It doesn’t mean you’re going to get it right. But you are able to contemplate what the future would be like based on your current level of understanding.
Your frontal cortex tends to be in conflict with your body and evolutionary older parts of your brain. There is a tug of war between your body, that wants to keep you alive in the present and your frontal cortex - that’s trying to take care of your future.
Your body and older brain are not bad. They’re equally as amazing as your frontal cortex. They just have a different agenda. Your body is keeping your heart pumping, your lungs diffusing oxygen into your bloodstream, extracting nutrients from your food, and regulating your temperature. It’s keeping the miracle that is you alive and functioning. It’s marvellously intelligent. It’s estimated that you have around thirty trillion (30,000,000,000,000) cells in your body with each performing one thousand different chemical reactions every second. That’s a staggering level of complexity and organisation. And all of this is handled without you even having to think about it.
Your body doesn’t care about the future. It only really cares about right now. It generates deep fear when you’re about to jump out of a plane for your first skydive. It’s the voice screaming at you that you don’t need to do this. It’s doing what it thinks is best for your immediate survival.
Your frontal cortex on the other hand, rationalises that you’re strapped to a professional that has done this hundreds of times, that you’re more likely to die driving on the motorway than doing a skydive and that it’s going to feel amazing during and afterwards. I’m still incredulous that you can override the instinct not to jump to your certain death. But I’ve done it and know it’s possible. That’s the power of your frontal cortex. When it’s active you can overcome your default thoughts, behaviours and instincts.
Your body stores all of your past experiences, beliefs and habits. It’s everything you already know about yourself and the world. Your frontal cortex is everything you could be. It’s adventure, newness, and change. It dreams up and executes on your future intentions.
You absolutely need both to function in the world. Without your body and older brain you’d have to relearn to walk, feed yourself and communicate everyday. Without your frontal cortex you’d never try for a marathon, cook a deconstructed lasagne, or try mimicking a funny voice you just heard on TV.
We have to recognise that when we seek change we are swimming against the tide. This resistance to change will always be present - you can’t undo millions of years of evolution. Your body will always be in the back seat shouting out advice to keep you doing what you’ve always done. That’s its job. However, you can develop your frontal cortex so that you get stronger at pushing against automatic behaviours.
Your frontal cortex orchestrates your intention. It allows you to consider what you want to do and how you want to do it. You intended to jump out of a plane. You made the plans, booked the experience and now find yourself on the ledge of a rudimentary aeroplane 10,000 feet in the sky. Your frontal cortex made all this happen. It also overrides your survival mechanisms by actually leaping out. This is all made easier when you are very aware of yourself and what you are doing.
And that’s the key - connecting with your intentions.
The key to activating your frontal cortex is by asking yourself questions that open up possibility. Questions such as:
What do I want my future to look and feel like?
How can I create the kind of life that would fulfil me at the deepest level?
What would it be like to have my own family?
What if I learnt how to improve my public speaking skills?
What characteristics do I need to develop to improve my chances of getting promoted?
What would it feel like to run 5km three times a week?
What would my life be like in 15 years time if I saved 10% of my monthly income?
Future-oriented questions get your frontal cortex fired up. They create a map of possibility to a new future. These are really the outcomes you’re connecting with when you contemplate new habits like joining a gym, drinking less or practicing being more patient with your kids. You’re using your fontal cortex to imagine a different life-trajectory than you’re currently on. One where you’re feeling more confident in your body, experiencing increased energy and mental clarity or are enjoying a more graceful home life.
You’ll often feel pumped up with enthusiasm after considering these questions. Especially if you take the time to write them out and make a plan.
As inspiring as this process often is, that enthusiasm will wane. It’s natural and normal. Your body will start to try and divert you back to your old habits and thoughts. This new path you’re taking spells potential danger, it’s unpredictable. After a few days it will get uncomfortable. You may start to hear internal chatter like:
“Why not just start tomorrow instead, it’s Sunday after all.”
“You’re just not a gym-person.”
“This doesn’t feel right.”
“I’d be a calmer person if other people learnt to drive properly.”
You’re not weak, dysfunctional or abnormal if you experience this. That chatter is your body’s autopilot kicking in, trying to get you back on a safe, predictable path.
However, you know that’s not the life trajectory you want to continue on.
At this point you have to reconnect with the future you want, remember why it matters to you and ultimately, exert willpower to execute on those commitments to yourself. That’s your frontal cortex overcoming your body and forging the future you desire.
Writing down the future that you want, why it’s important to you and what you will do to get there is essential. Keeping this with you and referring to it regularly, especially first thing in the morning, will be your guiding star when things get tough.
In addition to doing this, here are four obstacles to watch out for:
Tiredness
Being on autopilot takes less energy. Exerting willpower uses up energy. When you’re tired it’s so much easier to default back to rote habits. Healthy sleep habits and active rest are your allies in maintaining new habits.Hunger
As above, it takes more energy to try new things than continue with what you already know. Managing your energy levels by staying nourished will help you stay on track.Overwhelm
Negative emotions like sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety, and guilt trigger your brain to stay in survival mode. You’re more likely to default to old behaviours in these emotional states. Referring to your future goals and why they’re important are fundamental in helping you navigate these inevitable mood dips.Three days in
I’m not 100% sure why but something always seems to shift after two or three days. The initial excitement has subsided and reality takes hold. This is when that disempowering self-talk is likely to rise up. Being prepared for this and knowing it’s normal makes the self-chatter less persuasive.
Ask yourself these questions regularly:
What do I want more, my old life or my new life?
Will this choice take me closer to the future I want?
What behaviours will get me to my ideal future? What behaviours won’t?
This is simple but hard.
It’s important to recognise that, while it doesn’t feel helpful for your long-term goals your body, by craving old habits, is trying to help. It wants you to survive so much that it will attempt to steer you off the new path you are creating and keep you doing what got you this far.
So befriend those cravings, recognise that your body is doing its best to keep you alive. Accept that they will lessen with time as your body begins to adapt to your new choices. And know that with time it will begin to accept the improved future you and your frontal cortex have created.
